


I Don't Have Anxiety, Do I?

by ShoyzzArt



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Gen, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27869493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShoyzzArt/pseuds/ShoyzzArt
Summary: Peter thinks that he’s fine. He hasn't been sleeping well and he's more jumpy than usual but he knows that whatever he’s going through is normal, sure.It will go away on its own. Until it doesn’t.
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28
Collections: Irondad Fic Exchange 2020





	I Don't Have Anxiety, Do I?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shetheybrucebanner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shetheybrucebanner/gifts).



> Hi there!! This is my gift for littleblackkitten for the IronDad Fic Exchange ^v^  
> I chose the prompt about Peter and Tony talk about their anxiety, while also throwing some hurt/comfort!
> 
> I really hope you like it! ;3

Peter rubs his eyes and stares at the ceiling, bored, waiting for his alarm to go off any minute now. After a few minutes of nothing he blindly stretches his arm and probes his bedside table. After a few tries, he finds and grabs his phone. He looks at the screen, the sudden light causing his eyes to squint and a slight headache makes its presence known.

_ 6.21 am. _

Knowing there’s no point in waiting for the alarm that would go off in 9 minutes, he sighs loudly and gets up with a grunt to get ready for school. He gets dressed and grabs the books from his desk putting them inside his backpack. 

When he leaves his room, he smells toast. Luckily it doesn’t smell like it’s burned. He chuckles. May has already left for her shift, but she always makes sure to leave some breakfast for him. 

He grabs the two pieces of toast and forces them down his throat. He only eats because he knows he needs it, especially now with his powers needing to consume more. He doesn’t feel hungry lately, even less in the mornings. There’s a constant knot on his stomach almost all the time now. 

He drinks a glass of water and heads out to school. Rather than swinging, he prefers to walk. He takes detours through streets that are way quieter and where he encounters less people.

He likes going to school. Out of the 24 hours he has, school keeps his mind occupied and away from intruding thoughts. He has to admit that it’s getting harder to concentrate lately but it’s still distracting enough that he can relax a little. His danger sense is quieter, his hands shake less. It’s not much but it’s something.

Another day of learning passes, he moves from room to room. He can’t believe the time when he looks up at the clock on the wall.

_ 2.30 pm. _

Before, that time would bring a warm feeling to his chest, get his knee bobbing up and down in excitement, and stored energy begging to be let out. Now it left him feeling hollow, and with a sense of dread.

He loves being Spider-Man of course. He loves to help anyone he can, but he’s also afraid he’ll mess up and do something he’ll regret. He knows that he hasn’t been sleeping well since … well for a long long time. He estimates it’s been more than a month approximately. He knows that the ‘burnout’ will come soon. The first time it happened he collapsed on his bed and slept for 16 hours straight. He was lucky that it had happened on a Saturday and he used the excuse that it had been a tough week at school. Now, he’s afraid that that might happen when he’s out on patrol.

It’s not ideal for him to be doing this when he’s sleep-deprived, but he  _ has _ tried sleeping and it doesn’t work. Sleep eludes him almost every night. 

Even though it’s dangerous, patrol also works as an excuse to not see May for a while. He knows that she can see right through him. She had asked about the bags under his eyes, getting suspicious. He always uses the excuse that it has nothing to do with Spider-Man but that it’s because of high school’s exams and demanding homework. 

It’s not a complete lie, he had stayed awake some nights to finish studying or some project, but most of the time it’s due to the simple fact that he can’t sleep. His mind is always in overdrive.

The bell rings extremely loud today and he rubs the sides of his head to try to alleviate the pain. Headaches are very common for him now; his brain doesn’t stop.

His body is also affected by his fatigue. He keeps giving Ned excuses not to build legos or to study together cause he’s afraid he’ll see that his hands are shaking or that he’s not eating much lately. Out of nerves or exhaustion, he’s not sure. Maybe both. Yeah, definitely both.

After being through what he’s been through, it had left him always on edge. He’s always on high alert, expecting something to be wrong. That’s what always invades his mind, danger, danger, DANGER.

“Peter?” Ned calls out.

Peter turns startled, his eyes wide. Ned looks expectantly at him, and Peter clearly wasn’t listening to what he just said. They are in their last period today. They had a test and everyone had finished. As the teacher hadn’t given any other assignment for the rest of the hour, they were chilling out. 

“Sorry Ned, what?” He smiles sheepishly.

“I said that I got a new Lego set, wanna put it together today?”

_ Yes. I do. _

“I’m sorry Ned, I can’t today.” Peter tries to show the most sincere smile he can muster. Ned’s soft grin drops at his answer. 

“Uh, ok. No problem. Will you have time on Thursday? We have nothing to do.” Peter hates to hear the disappointment in Ned's voice. He doesn’t mean to but he is avoiding Ned. He has been avoiding him ever since he noticed his condition got worse.

He can’t show him that he’s not, well, a 100% okay. Because he’s fine. He’ll figure whatever this is out. He figured out how to be Spider-Man on his own, he can definitely do this on his own.

That’s why, with a little more confidence in himself, he tells Ned that yes, they can hang out on Thursday. As he is focused on Ned, he doesn’t feel anyone approaching until a hand rests heavily on his shoulder.

Without even looking and his brain screaming  _ danger _ , he grabs the assailant and he pushes them back harshly. He hears someone stumble a few steps and bump against something. He didn’t realize he used more strength than he usually shows. He turns and sees Flash rubbing the spot where he must have gotten hit. Most of the students missed what happened and kept talking between themselves.

“What the heck, Penis?”

“Peter?” Ned calls out softly.

Peter feels some eyes turning his way and he leaves the classroom in a hurry, not caring what their teacher might say. He hears footsteps following behind him. They get closer.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Peter says, raising his voice a little, making sure they can hear him. Ned doesn’t stop walking as he follows after his friend.

“Peter, what was that?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it, Ned.” Peter’s tone comes out harsh, but he wants to escape and he wants Ned to forget about what he did a few seconds ago.

A loud noise makes him jump and freeze. All noises are cut off and Peter’s eyes become distant, unfocused, elsewhere. Dust surrounds him, heat radiates from fires nearby. His danger sense suddenly goes off and he ducks. Soon enough, he feels something whooshing near his head as it impacts the ground behind him. More dust and debris fly towards him. He covers his head and his breathing quickens. 

The ground vibrates under his feet. It gets more intense. He looks around until he finds the source of the noise. Faceless, scary creatures with huge claws and sharp teeth are coming towards him at a scaringly fast pace. His heart hammers inside his chest. He looks behind him and a big wall stands tall, cutting off his possibility of escape or running away. 

He turns again and the creatures jump at him. Out of panic, he closes his eyes, not wanting to see the creatures surrounding him, enveloping him in darkness. The smell of blood overwhelms him almost enough to make him gag, the sounds of blasts and screaming are so loud that he covers his ears in a futile attempt to block some noise out. 

He screams, pushes and punches blindly.

“Peter!”

It’s MJs voice that cuts through the dust and the smell of ashes and iron. What is she doing here? She could be in danger. He coughs, wanting to clear the dust from his lungs but upon blinking he realizes there’s nothing in the air. He’s standing in the middle of the hallway.

The only sound is his heavy breathing. Ned’s on the floor and MJ’s with him a few feet away. Ned is lying on the floor holding his face. Peter can see red between his fingers. MJ’s on her knees beside Ned looking worriedly at him. Peter is horrified to see a faint bruise starting to form on her right cheek.

Anger comes in first. He wants to confront the person responsible for hurting his friends.

When he moves a little closer, MJ flinches. It’s subtle, but he doesn’t miss it. Peter freezes, his heart starts racing again.

_ Did I …? _

His throat closes, he raises his hands and turns them around. Peter gasps.

_ I did. _

It feels impossible but it’s like his throat closes even more, making it harder and harder to breathe with every passing second. He takes a few steps back from his friends, still looking at his hands, his knuckles are red, a little blood seeps down. His eyes widen in disbelief. 

Panic envelops him and he looks at MJ again. She’s not looking at him at the moment, she’s asking if Ned’s okay. Peter is grateful that he can’t see her face. Will she be angry? Scared of him?

_ Run _ . His mind tells him.

Before he thinks it through, his body turns and runs towards the nearest exit. He hears MJ calling after him once more but he ignores her completely. He can’t be there right now, he just can’t. He had just done an unforgivable thing. He doesn’t deserve to have friends. 

* * *

His feet dangle from where he’s sitting.

He’s not sure how he got there but he’s glad he’s alone. He doesn’t feel like talking, let alone being with anyone.

Peter finds himself sitting on the ledge of a rooftop. It’s not that tall of a building but tall enough that people won’t notice him. He’s surprised that his mind chose a quieter street so there’d also be less people around. A light breeze blows, making him shiver. His backpack lies on the floor, forgotten.

His mind is racing with what took place not even an hour ago. He looks down at the back of his hands for a moment. His knuckles are still red and sore, but it doesn’t hurt as much as before. He can see his healing factor taking care of the wound already. He estimates it would be gone in an hour, an hour and a half tops. All evidence, all proof of the awful thing he did would be gone. Just like that. He wouldn’t even have a scar.

He takes quick breaths, his chest rises and falls fast in irritation. It’s not fair that his hand is already healing. Ned and MJ are still in pain, hurting for what he did, and here his hand is almost completely healed. It’s not fair for them.

He doesn’t deserve to be okay while they aren’t. His hand closes in a trembling fist and he raises it. With a grunt, he brings it down fast against the concrete surface. 

The hit isn’t hard enough to break the concrete, it leaves few cracks behind. The hit is hard enough to hurt his hand. And it does. He gasps at the pain and he brings the back of his hand up to his eyes, looking at the blood seeping. 

Satisfied with the pain flowing through his hand, he stays there. He thinks about everything and nothing at the same time.

Peter looks down at his hand for a brief moment wondering how it could happen. Maybe he had been possessed and that made him do something stupid.

_ What’s stupid is coming up with something like that _ .

It would be so easy to know that that is the case, but deep inside he knows it’s a lame excuse to something far more serious. 

He looks up when a noise catches his attention. He sighs. He hears him coming and he wants nothing to do with it. He just wants to be alone. At one moment Peter thinks about swinging away, not wanting to be disturbed, but with everything going on, he’s emotionally and physically tired. He doesn’t feel like putting on his web-shooters and leave. 

What’s the point of running away if Tony would most likely follow after him anyway? It’s a waste of energy that Peter doesn’t have at the moment.

The suit lands heavily on the rooftop, Peter hears the different metal parts clicking as they shift to make way for Tony to step out.

”Hey kid,” Tony says casually. Peter stays quiet, not even turning to acknowledge him. After a couple of seconds, Tony’s steps come closer until he’s right beside him.

“Mind if I sit?” Tony waits for an answer that doesn’t come. Peter hopes that he’d take the hint and leave. He flinches slightly as Tony sits on his right. 

_ Guess he didn’t get the point _ . Peter frowns at his way of thought. He realizes that he gets irritated easily. He sighs sadly. Another thing to add to the list to take care of later.

“I heard what happened with Ned.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Tony almost misses Peter's answer considering how low his voice is. 

“It’s not your fault, bud.”

“Of course it is,” Peter is quick to answer. His voice comes out louder and angrier this time. He keeps looking forward.

“I hurt him. He was trying to help me and I hurt him.” His voice got lower with each spoken word. He sniffs quietly, not wanting to look like that in front of Tony. 

Tony wonders what goes through his mind. Peter straightens his back.

“Are you going to take my suit?”

_ No. Not ever again _ Tony thinks after the Vulture fiasco. He doesn’t want to put the kid in danger and he’ll help however he can.

“Is that what you want?” he asks instead.

Now it’s Peter’s time to stay silent again. Tony reaches his arm out wanting to pat his shoulder in reassurance. Peter must’ve sensed him, he shrinks away from Tony and he lowers his arm to rest at his side. 

_ Ok, not doing that _ . They stay quiet for a few seconds. Tony’s mind trying to come up with something to say. He tries to put himself in Peter’s shoes. It mustn't have been easy for him to experience that but the kid has a heart of gold. He shouldn't be blaming himself.

“Peter, your heart is in the right place -”

“No, it’s not.” Peter scoffs and quickly cuts him off.

Tony turns to look at Peter and he sees him looking at his hands. Tony hadn’t noticed that they were shaking that bad. Peter sees Tony’s gaze and slides his hands into his hoodie pockets. 

“If my heart was then I wouldn’t have done what I  _ clearly _ did to my friends.”

“You’re not listening. Your heart is in the right place. Your mind, however, is the one playing tricks on you. Am I wrong? And I am never wrong by the way.” Tony tries to lift Peter’s mood. It doesn’t work. Peter’s expression is still a mixture of sadness and frustration.

“I can handle it. It’s nothing serious, Mr Stark.”

Peter thinks of a simple solution to all this: stop hanging around Ned and MJ. That way he can’t hurt them ever again. He’ll figure out the rest later one thing at a time.

Tony smiles sadly thinking his next words carefully, hoping that Peter would listen. 

“I don’t believe you.” Peter turns quickly to look at Tony, confusion written on his face. His confusion soon turns to annoyance and he looks the other way.

“If this is your version of a pep talk it’s not working,” Peter says bitterly.

“As I was saying before you rudely interrupted me...” Tony cleared his throat.

“I don’t believe you because ... I thought the same thing.” Now it’s Tony’s turn to look away from Peter. Tony’s heart starts racing. He’s not sure where he’s going with this conversation but he didn’t expect to go  _ there _ .

_ No wonder dad never talked about this stuff. It sucks _ .

Not many people know about how he truly felt inside for many years which led to all sorts of problems. He was lucky enough to have good friends that supported him. 

“I know for a fact that you didn’t do anything on purpose. Me?” He scoffs. “I fought my best friend intentionally.” He glances quickly at Peter. He’s still hunched over, but his eyes glint with curiosity.

“And more than once I might add.” He looks down and fidgets with his hands nervously. He takes Peter's silence as a win this time.  _ He’s listening _ . So he keeps talking.

“I’ve done so much worse and he stood by me, year after year. He never left. And thanks to him, I was able to face my problems.” Tony stops, pondering where his train of thought is taking him.

“Why are you telling me this?” Tony’s eyebrows lift up a little in surprise upon hearing Peter speak. He sighs.

“Because you matter Peter. And this,” he gestures to all of Peter and a little to himself, “doesn’t go away on his own kid. You can’t isolate yourself from your friends, I know that that thought must have crossed your mind at some point but it doesn’t work that way. Believe me.”

“I tried,” Tony says after a long pause. He inhales and exhales deeply.

“This is the superhero gig and sadly this also comes with it. I realized too late what was going on.”

Peter listens carefully to what he says.

“Nobody tells you about the constant nightmares, about being afraid of the simplest of things because of whatever happened. It seems that fear is always there, and it never let's go. Fear for your family and friends, fear of anything that can go wrong.”

“What I’m trying to say Peter is that it’s okay to not be okay. Nobody expects you to be, not in this world and not in this line of work.”

“I know cause I’m not okay,” Tony continues.

Peter leans in, showing curiosity. Tony smiles at him.

“Don’t let this get between you and your friends. You need to hold on to your friendships. And your friends Ned and MJ, they’re worth keeping, kid. I know that they’ll be by your side no matter what.”

“Don’t shut your friends and family out. I hope you won’t shut me out too.”

Peter looks thoughtful now, considering Tony’s words. Tony keeps himself from saying more, letting him digest his words.

_ Wait. Be patient. Let him come to you _ .

They stay in silence. Seconds stretch into minutes. The sun has long set. The welcomed light breeze now becomes a strong cold wind. Tony is starting to feel the cold but he will wait for as long as Peter needs.

“Mr. Stark?” Peter asks with a quiet voice.

_ That’s it _ . Tony hummed in response.

“I think …”

Peter looks down at his fiddling hands and sighs, his shoulders finally relaxing and coming down in defeat.

“I think I - I need help.”

Peter looks at Tony pleadingly.

“I want to get better, but I don’t know how.” Peter buries his face in his hands. He inhales and exhales a shaky exhausted breath. 

“I’ll help. We’ll all help.”

Tony scoots closer. Peter doesn’t move this time but he doesn’t come closer either. Tony lifts his left arm, hugging him to his side. 

Peter stays still for a moment before he quickly turns towards Tony to return the hug, burying his head on Tony’s shoulder. He rubs his hand along Peter’s back in a comforting way. He whispers  _ It’s okay _ a few times. Peter’s back starts to shake and soon a sob follows. 

Tony smiles on the inside, very proud of his kid.  _ Yeah, my kid _ . Admitting to needing help was the hardest step towards recovery. Luckily Peter already had family and friends that would help and support him every step of the way. 

* * *

Peter gulps nervously. He stands right outside Ned’s apartment door. It had been two days since the so-called ‘accident’. He heard that both Ned and MJ were fine, he wants to visit both of them. His first stop is Ned’s, he’s his best friend after all. Peter knows that Ned's resting at home and he wants to see him. Actually, he’s conflicted. Peter wants to make sure that Ned is really okay but he also wants to run away from all this. He wants to really really leave but deep down he knows that he has to make things right. He has to at least apologize. If Ned doesn’t accept it, he would understand. Either way, he has to try.

His hands clench and relax a few times. He pushes through his fear and shame and rings the doorbell.

_ Please don’t answer, please don’t answer _ .

He can hear someone coming before the door is opened. The knob turns and Peter sighs in relief when Mrs Leeds greets him instead of Ned.

“Hi Peter, it’s nice to see you. Ned’s in his room.”

Peter nods his head and enters the apartment. She closes the door softly and walks away towards the kitchen. Hearing how Ned’s mom greets him so warmly makes him believe that Ned didn’t tell her what happened. Peter walks timidly through their cozy living room towards Ned’s open door. 

His steps slow down subconsciously and he stops quietly by the doorway, glad that the door is open. He sees Ned sitting on the floor with his legs crossed. He’s looking down at lots of tiny lego pieces scattered around the floor. A book with instructions sits on his right. Ned is so focused that he’s not aware he’s there. Peter takes a moment to see his face carefully and his chest feels less tight because it doesn’t look as bad as he thought. There is a big bruise and small cuts, luckily his nose wasn’t broken and -

“What’s up, loser?”

Peter’s head turns ridiculously fast towards the other occupant in the room. MJ’s sitting casually against the wall with a thick book in her hands. She’s smiling subtly at him. Peter’s glad to see that the bruise on her right cheek is starting to fade. She raises an eyebrow at him. 

Peter offers her a poor smile.

Peter feels Ned’s eyes on him so he looks at him with wide and unsure eyes. Ned on the contrary just smiles at him, his eyes travel down looking at the mess on the floor.

“Peter! You got here just in time. I need your help, man. This lego set is driving me insane.”

Peter stands there for a few seconds and he looks at MJ again, unsure of himself. She looks at him and then at Ned. She nods towards Ned, motioning for Peter to go sit with him. Peter clears his throat which is suddenly dry. He takes a few hesitant steps and sits down.

He would always sit near Ned but now he chooses to sit across and away from him. Ned doesn’t say anything, nor does MJ. He reaches his hand and grabs a lego and stares at it. He tries to pretend that everything is okay, back to normal. He looks up again and the bruises on his friends say otherwise. He can’t keep postponing this.

“Guys.”

Ned tears his eyes away from the booklet while MJ lowers her book. Peter avoids their gaze, instead he looks at his hands cause suddenly he’s lost the courage to look them in the eye. He gulps. He had rehearsed what to say on his way over but now he’s at a loss of words, not sure what to say. Silence follows. Peter clears his throat again. He rubs his hands nervously.

“Um, I just wanted to - What I want to say is that I’m so sorry and -”

“Peter,” Ned says in a strong yet gentle tone. The next words bring some relief to Peter’s mind.

“It’s okay, dude.”

“Yeah, what he said. We’re good,” MJ says. When Peter looks at her, she’s reading her book. He doesn’t miss how she looks up and smirks briefly at him until her eyes travel down to the book once again.

Peter is taken aback by their words.

_ It can’t be that easy. Can it? _

Something closes in on his line of vision. Peter’s eyes travel down slowly towards Ned’s extended open hand. He knows what that is. A silent invitation to do their unique handshake. To anyone else, that’s something silly, not important even.

For Peter? Right then, right now it means the world. Neds waits patiently, willing to wait as long as Peter needs. He won’t admit it but he feels like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. Peter reaches out and they finish their handshake together.

Peter smiles, a true smile this time. He sits down on the floor and picks up the first lego piece, Ned soon following after him.

“By the way, I’m never washing my face again,” Ned says.

“Ugh, gross,” MJ adds not really meaning it.

"Being decked by Spider-Man doesn't happen to just anyone."

A loud laugh escapes from Peter’s mouth and he smiles for the first time these past few days. He picks up a lego piece and hands it over to Ned who quickly places it where it goes.

_ Yeah, things will be okay. _

**Author's Note:**

> I want to give a huge thank you to Jolinarjackson for helping me out ˆvˆ  
> (And I also want to thank Mogoona3000 for all her effort <3 and eccentric_artist_221b for taking a look).


End file.
